Monday, Monday

 September 18, 2018

Not too sore today from that 10K.  I felt so good about completing it.  I forgot how great it felt to have a medal around your neck.

Scrubs feeling less tight. More energy.  Becoming more motivated. Maybe even considering doing another 10K, and train for it.

Work was the usual,  Trying to keep myself in a positive head space. Got a late admission and very little help with the patient when it arrived, so I had to stay after once again to chart.  I had company though and got to release some frustrations with them.  I think I like my commute because it gives me time to leave work at work.  The drivers in Houston are so aggressive.  I really want to move to a smaller city .that has pretty views. The beach? The mountains?  Close to a lake?  Ready to slow my life down some.  I plan to continue to work as long as I can, but not at the maddening pace of the medical center.  They do pay me extremely well, but it that work the toll on my mental health?  My work culture is toxic.  It is hard enough to work with critically ill children.  The added stress of being an outsider (not included in the elite group) is hard.  I miss my old environment.  We were a team.  We had each others back, even when we were annoyed with one another.  It was a work family.  I feel very alone in this place.  I have a handfull of people that I can go to for help without being criticized or talked about.  It isn't a safe place to ask questions.  

Stayed up a little too late just catching up on shows.  I need to work on my sleep more.  I am not sure if I just need less now that I am old or I need better habits.  Depression?  Frustration? Poor sleep habits?

I did not cave tonight to wanting to eat my feelings.  Only lost 0.1 lbs but I am feeling so much better. Hoping to hit the 140s next week. Pretty doable.  Things will start fittng in my closet in the 130s, so 10-15 lb loss should be coming by end of Oct.  

Happy to have stayed with my eating plan for an entire week!  I need to now start focusing on my activity.  I need to work on my stupid bone health.  Weight training is my least favorite.  Need to figure out how to be consistent with working out on days I work.  12 hour shifts leave not much time for anything else.  I leave my house at 5am and don't get home til 8-8:30 pm.  Usually asleep by 9:30pm.